Wrestle the Bear.

whoas. there's nothing to do at all. i'm just sitting here with Travis at school. We're in the English office because i don't have a class this block and he's supposed to be at Carver. Today is step-up day so there's a bunch of 8th grade kids here. I'm super hungry too. It's almost time for lunch anyway so i think i can wait. :] anywho. bye.

i'm useless.

i'm an idiot. i really am. the one chance i get to try and fix something i have to turn around and fuck it up. i just made one of the biggest mistakes of my life. someone might as well have just shot me in the head right there. dsal;jfl;dksjf. gah. why the hell am i such an idiot. no one deserves this. i've brought way too much on people. not good stuff either. ;laskjkdf;lasjf. fuck it.

effffff it.

okay. i've figured it out. i'm just gonna let just about everything go and start over. i'm not giving up everything, but a large majority. anyway, the reason for all this is because people have pointed some things out to me i wish i would've noticed myself. it really makes me upset to know all that's going on around me that i didn't even see. i'm so mad at myself. you don't even understand. i want to talk to someone about it, but i have no one to talk to. instead, i'm talking to a damn blog. idk. just eff life. :]

i feel it now.

okay. remember my last blog? when i said that i felt like life was going to slap me in the face. well it finally did. it yelled at me and i cried. i really don't understand. well, i sorta do, but then again, i don't. this is so stupid. i can't do anything right anymore. i really just need to take a break from it all. just sit back and be alone. but there's no way to do that. or atleast, not that i'm aware of. i feel like i just bring everyone down. i can't make anyone happy. i don't know. i'm gonna go plant some flowers or something.

get a grip.

geeze. i feel like i'm not taking life seriously enough anymore and it's about to slap me in the face and say, "WAKE UP BITCH!" seriously...
and i feel so out of it lately. like, i don't even remember today. well, barely. but anyway, i don't even know what i'm ranting about. gah.

play the trumpet.

so school today was fun. well, sorta. haha. anyway, in my english class we're reading a story called The Martian Chronicles and today it really made me wonder. what happens after you die? i've always kinda wondered that but, for some reason, today i thought about it long and hard. Because in the chapter we're reading, the men go to mars and it's actually where people were reborn after they had died. I just wonder if something like that happens. Like, i know people have their concept of heaven and hell, but that's not what i'm getting at. What if you are reborn in a different place? Well, i don't know. whatever happens, happens. i feel like i'm starting to rant so let's get on another topic.

okay, so i feel like i'm starting to get lazy. Lazier than i already am, and that's bad. Very bad. i really need to get out and do stuff. be adventurous. something along those lines. haha. :]

school and stuff.

gee, i haven't updated for soooo long. it's because i forgot my password. ^.^ haha. anyway. i had quite a nice weekend. friday was our school talent show and it was amazing!! after the talent show i hung out with some friends and had fuuun. :] lol. saturday ally and i went to the mall and we talked and waved to random people. that night we stayed up and played rockband and stuff. sunday i had people over too, and we just hung out and watched movies and stuff. pughaaaaaaa.
school can be fun. :] ha, well i try to make it fun. i just take a lot of pictures. i can't wait for school to be over, but i know i'll miss it a lot. haha. well, i'm off for now.